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[05 Nov 2009|04:02pm] |
I'm home sick from work, again. I read the friends list on my Live Journal for the first time in a couple months. Individually, I love a few of you, and like the rest of you. Collectively, you're all a bunch of downers. Damn. For real though. I wrote a story, will someone please read it? I'll probably never write another one again, and I just want you all to meet the characters in this story, because they're the only friends I talk to anymore. I'll send it to wherever you want me to.
I live with a guy who I can barely communicate with because we speak different languages, but we both have been able to get across the idea to one another that we feel taken care of by this world and we are continually shocked by it and grateful for our luck. Recently it was discovered that we have this mysterious feeling of support because we actually take care of each other, in small ways, but are too daydreamy to notice the other person's help. And when we are the helpers, we do our best not to be noticed. He keeps bringing me juice and tea and fruit (sliced up, the skin peeled off), and I keep thanking him awkwardly, and we can't look each other in the eyes or it'd be weird: we're practically strangers, really, just very close strangers.
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[11 Aug 2009|11:43am] |
Public domain books--I'll probably never leave my room again.
It's been almost a year and a half. I'll never stop wanting a cigarette. I'm in a constant state of chiding and denying myself.
But people who smoke look weak and insecure to me now, and also they smell much more unpleasant then they could ever guess, even for hours afterward.
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[05 Aug 2009|12:01pm] |
August makes you remember that Japan is a tropical island. Any other time, especially the winter, everything is gray and towering; you could be anywhere, New York I imagine, or a less spacious Berlin. Today it's 80% humidity. I just walked my best friend, Andres, to the train station. He's returning to the United States to live in San Diego. The Japanese word for this situation is "samishii." The English word is "sad."
I love Japan after coming back from a long trip somewhere else. It's fun, and clean, and increasingly manageable. I'm becoming less shy in my old age. A new man is moving into our apartment for a few months: he makes classical guitars for a living. He's opening a shop where he will sell the guitars that he makes. It takes one month to make a guitar.
I live with a guitar-maker, a pizza chef, an architect, and an artist who's barely home, always traveling around the world funded by art collectors and donors. He lives alone in an apartment in Berlin that used to be a nightclub--it still has a giant palm tree growing in the middle of it--and just spent a couple months working in the rice fields of a monastery in rural India for no reason, really. He's charismatic but unnerving; I'm always uncomfortable around him and barely say anything, but I always want to be around him.
I'm the writer of the house, but since none of them can read English, I'm more known as just the Foreigner. It's not a bad role; there's not much to live up to.
Yesterday I ran into my roommate at the public baths, and sat side-by-side, naked, lathering our hair with shampoo and discussing our new roommate, the guitar-maker, who is named Kon, which is pronounced "Cone."
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[21 Apr 2009|08:34pm] |
The day after I returned from a trip around the world, my computer crashed. The screen in black and there is a cryptic message in Portuguese. I've never been to Portugal and I never used a computer in Brazil. I took it to Akihabara: they can fix it, but all my pictures and other data will be completely lost. I'd be upset but it's just too much. I just keep laughing hysterically whenever I think about it.
Things broken or stolen that I used to rely on: ipod, cell phone, computer, camera. My hard drive with years of data was lost in the mail.
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| My Hometown |
[13 Jan 2009|10:58pm] |
East Leroy, Michigan
Total Population: 2230
White: 2173
Black: 0
Asian: 17
Pacific Island: 0
Native American: 0
Two or more races: 22
Other: 18
I'm interested to know why "Hispanic" isn't an option;
I always hate it when people talk about being from small towns. Get over it!
Also, this is not true because there was one black family.
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| The Amber Waves Newsletter |
[29 Dec 2008|07:19pm] |
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If you are my friend you can read the "locked" post previous to this and you know how personally disastrous this trip will be for me, but I expect it to be publicly successful overall. I've pretty much talked the topic dead, but on January 15 I'm leaving to travel on a boat around the Southern Hemisphere for three and a half months and work as the blog writer for the Japanese organization Peace Boat. The point of this post is, I will be sending out weekly or so updates to my family and friends about the boat or the countries or something--I don't know yet, but they'll be really exciting and wonderful and they won't make you unhappy in any way but rather motivated and excited, is the goal. If you'd like to receive the updates, please send your name and email address to: amber.waves.hello@gmail.com or you can comment on this post! Please.
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| I keep having dreams about people I don't even like |
[22 Dec 2008|03:59am] |
biography of OSAMU DASAI
Shūji was sent to boarding schools in school. An excellent student and an able writer even then, he edited student publications and contributed some of his own works. His life only started to change when his idol writer Ryūnosuke Akutagawa committed suicide in 1927. Shūji started to neglect his studies, spending his allowance on clothes, alcohol and prostitutes and dabbling with Marxism, at the time heavily suppressed by the government. He frequently expressed guilt in his earliest writing about having been born into the incorrect social class. On 10 December 1929, the night before year-end exams that he had no hopes of passing, Shūji attempted to commit suicide by taking an overdose of sleeping pills, but he survived and managed to graduate the following year.
Shūji enrolled in the French Literature Department of the Tokyo Imperial University and promptly stopped studying again. In October, he ran away with geisha Hatsuyo Oyama and was formally expelled from his family. Nine days after the expulsion, Shūji attempted suicide by drowning off a beach in Kamakura with another woman (whom he barely knew), 19-year-old bar hostess Shimeko Tanabe. Shimeko died, but Shūji lived, having been rescued by a fishing boat, leaving him with a strong sense of guilt. Shocked by the events, Shūji's family intervened to drop a police investigation, his allowance was reinstated and in December Shūji and Hatsuyo were married.
( click here for two more suicide attempts, two Communist-related arrests, appendicitis, morphine addiction, wife sleeping with best friend while in mental institution, tuberculosis, bastard son, house burned down twice by Americans, and rumors of murder )
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[10 Dec 2008|01:14am] |
PS This is me:
And this is you:
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[03 Dec 2008|01:19am] |
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WHAT'S FUNNY IS WHEN YOU READ MY LAST POST AND THEN YESTERDAY HOW MY BIKE GOT STOLEN
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| this question is really important and you guys should answer it! |
[27 Nov 2008|09:12pm] |
What do you guys do when you're depressed? For me it depends on whether or not I want to be depressed. If I'm enjoying being sad, then I listen to Kuuki Koudan on my headphones and ride my bike. Kuuki Koudan is like a Japanese version of Cat Power, only one hundred million times better than Cat Power because I couldn't ever really stand her voice although I think at one point I pretended to for a couple months. Cat Power makes me feel like a teary girl with greasy hair and a secret but visible disease like anemia who no one will sit next to at lunch but Kuuki Koudan makes me feel like a elfin French girl who can draw really well. But if I don't want to be depressed, I just listen to Only Built 4 Cuban Linx... and also ride my bike. I'm getting kind of worried because it's getting cold and so bike riding is not as enjoyable. I'd like suggestions from you people because I'm trying to be positive but if my life were Hocus Pocus, I would be Bette Midler and anxiety would be Kathy Nijimy and depression would be Sarah Jessica Parker. They're not just my besties, they are my onlys.
Here's some Kuuki Koudan. The first video is not real but I like the song. The second video is good.
( two more )
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[26 Nov 2008|08:49pm] |
First - Kellan Cummings, where ARE you? Are you really going to live through the 21st century as the only American without an Internet presence? I think you are brilliant, but you're just not that cool, sry. Please contact me. I'm counting on one of our mutual associates to deliver this message.
Second - In the tradition of shooting machine guns, last weekend I took my manliness all the way across the world and ate raw horse meat, aka "horse sushi, a rare delicacy", in the secluded countryside of Japan. I'm just so proud.
Third - Am I ever going to make in the world, yes/no? Am I ever going to be satisfied, yes/no? Is Kanye's new album good, yes/no? I want to get a Masters, anyone have any suggestions how to afford that? I owe $10,000 still from undergrad; I can only get a part-time job; I pay $230 per month for school loans; $50 for cell phone; $500 for rent; $70 for utilities; $95 for health insurance; someone please help me, tell me the secrets of the world because TED videos aren't helping anymore.
Fourth - That 12-year-old fashion girl Tavi makes me think of Natasha Stagg. Natasha, do you know who I'm talking about? this girl
Fifth - Has anyone ever read "Flow" by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi and is it good?
Addendum - Oh how I wish I had girl friends that would try to do Beyonce's Single Ladies dance with me in my bedroom! Does that mean I have to grow up or does that mean I just have to move back to a place where people know that song?
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| self improvement project back on! |
[09 Nov 2008|09:41pm] |
Never mind I think it's working! Being my own therapist is great. Luckily I have a lot of practice with self-sufficiency since I'm also my own best friend.
I have to pick a name for my magazine by Wednesday. Right now the main two contenders are Osusume Magazine and Handsome Magazine. Osusume doesn't look or sound good if you don't know what it means, which is Recommended. It is pronounced oh as in "oh my god," su as in "mi casa es su casa," su as in "so sue me," me as in the "meh" that losers who play World of Warcraft use. Japanese have a recommended everything, every day, everywhere. It would translate to (The) Recommended Magazine. I like it better in English, but no one would understand it. The other one, Handsome Magazine, is understandable because the word "handsome" has been stolen by the Japanese language and disguised as "han-so-mu." Osusume is cute and relevant to Japanese, but the word handsome evokes feelings of affection from me, and I really enjoy feeling affectionate.
Please tell me your honest and direct thoughts about these two titles as soon as you can.
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| back to page 1 |
[09 Nov 2008|06:45pm] |
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I don't know what to do, does anyone have any suggestions?
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| self-improvement day #2 |
[07 Nov 2008|05:32pm] |
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Today I'm taking a meditation class because it's by donation only "in the ancient tradition." I'm going to be really friendly. When I come home I'm not going to be nervous about facing my roommates and I'm going to be relaxed and cheerful. This morning I started a magazine with my friend so I'll get over other people reading my "work." I won't abandon that project and I'll get back to studying web design so I can make a web site for it. And right now I'll turn on the light and get off the floor and stop watching Ugly Betty (sorry but) on Youtube. In a minute! I wish I could just shoot machine guns every day. I'm still not over it.
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| i'm sitting in a tatami room |
[05 Nov 2008|02:31pm] |
First I called Britta, then I called Allie, then I turned on the TV and watched his acceptance speech translated into Japanese, and then watched the immediately following footage of the ecstatic residents of the tiny fishing village called Obama in Japan.
I feel sorry for my dad, because I want him to be happy, but I'm too morally conflicted about it to tell him so.
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[30 Oct 2008|11:19pm] |
I'm really scared of everything and so I've been focusing on overcoming my fears. Does anyone know any good books about that? I need some books pertaining to confidence and overcoming the fear of public failure and I'm serious about that. One thing that's always made me a little nervous is thinking about what could go wrong around automatic machine guns, so today I decided to go out and shoot a little to get over this fear. First I tried a Browning M1919. Then I tried a Thompson machine gun, though I prefer to call it by its nicknames: the "Tommy Gun", the "Trench Broom", the "Chicago Piano", the "Chicago Typewriter", and the "Chopper". Here are some videos of me doing that, maybe the first videos of me ever posted in this livejournal. You can tell in these that I'm hesitant by nature.
the Browning M1919, "of the .30 caliber medium machine gun family widely used during the 20th century. It was used as a light infantry, coaxial, mounted, aircraft, and anti-aircraft machine gun by the U.S. and many other countries, especially during World War II, the Korean War, and the Vietnam War":
the Tommy gun, "an American submachine gun that became infamous during the Prohibition era" and "preferred by Al Capone":
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[20 Oct 2008|08:36am] |
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Being at my parents' house is amazing. They have so much food.
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| must be very sexy & willing, good luck to all dancers |
[25 Sep 2008|02:44pm] |
SEXY FEMALES DANCERS NEED ASAP FOR T-PAIN & LIL WAYNE SHOWS!!!!!!!!! (TOKYO)
Reply to: BILLY@WEINTHEZONE.COM [?]
Date: 2008-09-21, 4:51PM JT
NAPPY BOY/WE IN THE ZONE ENTERTAINMENT ARE LOOKING FOR 8 SEXY FEMALES DANCERS FOR STAGE PRESENT WITH T-PAIN & CA$H MONEY RECORDING ARTIST "LIL WAYNE" LIVE CONCERT IN OCT.YOU MUST NOT BE SHY,18+ VERY SEXY & WILLING TO DANCE ON STAGE,SEND PICS TO BILLY@WEINTHEZONE.COM.ALSO WE NEED DANCERS FOR T-PAIN,PLIES & LIL BOOSIE UPCOMING CONCERT IN OCT.FOR MORE INFO VISIT WWW.WEINTHEZONE.COM GOOD LUCK TO ALL DANCERS!!!!
WWW.MYSPACE.COM/WEINTHEZONEENTERTAINMENT
* Location: TOKYO
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PostingID: 849096239
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[24 Sep 2008|02:30am] |
I want to show you what my brother does for fun in East Leroy, Michigan.
He and his friends make a really big mud puddle, and then they drive their trucks through it. It's called "mud boggin'".
Here is a picture of my brother and his girlfriend. She's totally down:
She and I used to be good friends in elementary school. We would sit in a field behind her house and pick corn from the stalks and eat it raw. It tasted good. Once I spent the night at her house and woke up in the middle of the night. Her mom was still awake and I asked for a "midnight snack." At my house, if I woke up and my parents were awake, I would always get a thing called a "midnight snack," and I would watch my mom and dad talk about bills or something that needed to be fixed around the house, and then when I was finished I'd go to bed. But my brother's girlfriend's mom back then just laughed at me and told me it wasn't midnight yet.
After elementary school, she and I didn't hang out anymore. I don't remember why. It's weird that she's dating my brother now.
This is the "About Me" part of my brother's MySpace: "I have 26 years on the ticker. I work at II Stanley in mainteance as an machine tech. If I'm not at work, you'll find me hunting, fishing, or as of recently mountain biking."
I have no idea why he always says things like "on the ticker." I have no idea.
This is a picture of my other brother, Eddie, and his girlfriend. They're getting married next month. I'm going back to the US to see the wedding.
This is Eddie's "About Me": "I'm 24 years old I have a fiancee named Amanda that I've dated for almost 5 years. (We're PRACTICALLY married) as I like to say. She's a sweetie, just ask her! I like fast things, wild women and anything that kicks ass. I also own a small company that supports some privateer and amateur motocross racers. Check it out!"
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| UPDATE |
[11 Sep 2008|10:57am] |
1. Yesterday, my roommate's 95-year-old grandmother came to my house and sang us karaoke along with a video on YouTube. Please watch the video here.
2. Last month, I went to the government office of my district of Tokyo, and I was slowly matching the Japanese on the building directory with the Japanese I had earlier written on some paper, and an elderly gentleman came up to me and offered to help me. He was 86. His English was nearly perfect and he told me he learned it from American soldiers during World War II. I've heard of these people who exist, here and in China, too, but I thought they had all died. I wish I had asked him to go get coffee with me, but I was too worried about signing up for my taxes, which was a stupid idea because last week I received a notice that says I have to pay $800 in taxes.
3. I've been having trouble sleeping. One night, I made an outline for plans and goals for the next three to four years, which include a year of bicycling around the United States. It's all very hilarious and I immediately emailed it to my parents, who responded in gentle email voices.
4. I do Pilates every day. I don't really like it anymore.
5. I've taken to drinking apple vinegar mixed with carbonated water every day. Keeps me genki.
6. My brother is getting married next month and I'll be in Michigan from October 16 to November 4, so let's make it count.
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yugoplastika's journal